Is joy the secret weapon against stress?

Gaining "positive affect" from little joyful moments

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

My daughter and I were at the DMV for the fourth time in her quest for a driver’s license. We hated going there. There were the lines, the noise, and the unhappy customers, yelling things like:

“What do you mean I need this document? This is bulls?#@”

But when we got called up, it was like we got transported to a peaceful place.

The employee who warmly greeted us had decorated her workspace to create a welcoming atmosphere.

The good feeling she extruded was palpable!

I think of this because May is a crazy month. It’s the end of the school year for my kids with lots of activities. One piling up after the other.

The same old routine is getting stale. I’m pulling together meals that lack luster but do the job. And more nights than not, I go to bed with the kitchen in shambles.

I’ve been taking a number from the lady at the DMV by focusing on the little things that bring me joy. These are the things you do simply because, well, you enjoy them.

And with each little joy I add, the stress dial gets turned down a notch.

The science of positive emotions

Research on positive psychology has skyrocketed in the past two decades. It's not about ignoring difficult emotions or solely focusing on positive thinking, but amplifying positive emotions.

Joy is a positive emotion because it follows natural inclinations. It differs from happiness, as it centers on finding joy in the present moment rather than a lasting emotion.

PositivePsychology.com states that, “Positive affectivity refers to positive emotions and expression, including cheerfulness, pride, enthusiasm, energy and JOY.

According to the Midlife in the United States study (MIDUS), piling up more positive emotions is associated with fewer physical disorders (such as high blood pressure, ulcers, and thyroid disease). Researchers followed MIDUS participants (39-93) over 18 years, and found that those with improving and stable positive affect had lower mortality than those in the decreasing positive affect.

Yet emodiversity — experiencing diversity of emotions— is also linked with health and well being. But for too many, the negative out number the positive.

If you feel your life is lacking joy, you can change that. Research shows that by actively incorporating joyful activities, we train our brains to seek them out, boosting positive emotions while reducing negative ones.

Experiences of positive emotions can be understood as a strategy through which people transform themselves, becoming more creative, aware, resilient, socially integrated, and healthy individuals. - Pompeo, et al, J of Env Pysh, 2023

I've compiled a list of small joys in this hectic month of May and wanted to inspire you to think of your own.

Being near water

We were meeting friends out to dinner who wanted to go to the beach first. I complained to my husband at first, but when I saw the breathtaking sunset, I remembered how much I enjoy being near the water.

Back in my 20s, I lived by the beach. Whether it was morning coffee and a walk or taking a run on the boardwalk, there’s something about being near the water that feeds me.

This summer I plan to add the beach to my daily life–the salty air, sunset and the sound of waves. It doesn’t have to mean long days at the beach–which is not my favorite anyway–but quick trips to take it in.

The second-best option is to escape to the nearby pool (with a book) for a little joy by the water.

Don’t I look joyful?

Time with girlfriends

A huge source of joy for me is spending time with girlfriends.

I have built in time with friends because there’s a small group of us who meet twice a week to run. Starting my day with exercise and girlfriend time has a lasting positive effect on how I feel the entire day.

I also have friends I meet up with periodically or annually on trips.

To spend more time with friends, I can either call them or check if they're free for a spontaneous walk or coffee meetup.

Live music

My husband and I get out and see live music whenever we can. We prefer smaller venues but will do the big concerts, too.

We experimented with Sofar Sounds about a year ago. You pay in advance and the location is only revealed 24 hours beforehand. Three musicians show up to play in an intimate venue (sometimes a house!). The times we’ve gone, they’ve all been exceptional.

We recently went to the Rolling Stones for a second time, and I caught Billy Joel and Sting here in San Diego.

Live music inspires me, but it’s not something I do daily. The second best option is to listen to music during my walks and when I’m doing chores, while having live performances to look forward to.

A can’t-put-down book

I love having a book that I devour because I’m learning something new or simply enjoying it.

For me, this is usually nonfiction related to some aspect of health/well-being/parenting/career or a memoir.

Right now, that book I’m reading is Be the Gateway from Dan Blank, a recent Substack discovery. I have The Menopause Brain on the list and Barbara Streisand’s memoir.

I go through dry spells, so let me know what you’re reading. 

Having a series to watch

I grew up watching a lot of TV and rarely turn it on during the day. But I love having a show or series to watch with someone.

After dinner and a walk–right around 7:30, I love to plop down on the couch and turn my brain off and enjoy entertainment. Whether that’s the bachelor with my daughter or Yellow Stone with my husband, it brings me a lot of joy.

And Stranger things with my son. Is it ever coming back?

There are so many shows these days. Leave any of your recommendations in the comments!

A change of scenery

Since I'm home most of the day, changing my environment helps me break out of my routine and become more focused and productive. I especially enjoy writing in an eclectic coffee shop.

I also like to travel for that reason. I don't enjoy flying much, but once I reach my destination, I feel like all my senses become heightened.

This summer we have a trip to Serbia to visit family there. I’m so excited to both have a change in scenery and visit with relatives I haven’t seen in 19 years.

Taking in new scenery reawakens that part of me that goes on autopilot.

Laughing

We all like to laugh, right? I follow accounts that make me laugh and go to them when I need a lift.

One of my favorites right now is FitDad @fitdadceo.

Coffee

There’s nothing quite like that first cup of coffee in the morning. It’s the best part of the day!

On the mornings I workout, I don’t have coffee until I’m done eating because having it right after a workout gives me the jitters.

But if I get up early to write I can have coffee first thing, no problem. My husband makes the best coffee with a touch of hazelnut that I can’t seem to find anywhere else. I add nothing to it because it is that good.

It’s not just the coffee but the early mornings that I love.

More little joys

I know there are more little (and big) joys and I plan to keep adding to this list. One of my goals this summer is to weave them into my day. Because I want to be like that joyful DMV employee when I grow up.

How are you adding little joys into your day?