No expert cares about your health more than you

The core belief that brings my work together

Photo by Emma Simpson on Unsplash

I just had a panic attack while the nurse took my blood pressure, and it shot up.

The doctor walks in and starts with, “Well, you are almost 50.” As she suggests a medication to lower my blood pressure and slow down my heart rate.

To this doctor, I was just another almost 50-year-old with rising blood pressure. She didn’t ask me about me, my anxiety, or any of my health habits.

I’ll never forget the helplessness I felt at this moment. I knew I had a choice: hand my health over to her or take it in my own hands.

This wasn’t about ignoring medical advice, but about educating myself first. And that’s exactly what I did as I practically ran out of her office.

I documented all of this in my post, which led me to a solution. Digging into the research and coming to a place of understanding was the key.

This has been a pattern in my adult life

I realize this pattern has repeated itself for over 20 years now.

Looking back, I can see that finding answers to my anxiety around age 30 was the first time I took control of my health when therapy wasn’t helping.

It wasn’t as easy to look up studies, but I found some books. In particular, The Feeling Good Handbook taught me about cognitive-behavioral therapy.

I challenged a therapist who didn’t believe in CBT, and I brought in the book showing her. Eventually, I just did the exercises myself, which was a true game changer.

As I continued my career in the corporate world, I learned a lot about substantiating claims with research. This, along with getting my master’s in nutrition, gave me a solid foundation.

I used these skills in my life, and when I focused on child nutrition and feeding in 2009.

As I got into my 40s, with the blood pressure and iron deficiency happening back-to-back, I realized that taking charge of my health is even more important as we age.

Because let’s face it; more things can and will go wrong.

Experts are just people 

I realize that nobody cares about my health, and the health of those I love, more than I do. The care and attention to detail I take will always trump the time and effort an expert will take on me as “one of many.” 

That doesn’t mean I know more than they do. Experts, like everyone else, have flaws, biases, busy schedules, and knowledge gaps. Journalist Ann Marie McQueen from Hot Flash Inc. sums it up perfectly in this social media post:

I’ve interviewed thousands of experts over the years. They are all human, so they have gaps in their knowledge, biases, blind spots and not infrequently, financial or power incentives and conflicts of interest not always disclosed. Please don’t make any one person your guru.

It’s also vital to understand enough about what’s going on, so I can not only choose the doctor or expert that’s right for me, but make an informed decision.

The doctor in my blood pressure story had a deep understanding of medications, so if I needed to go on them, I could seek someone like her.

But she didn’t know the extent to which anxiety could cause such a reaction. And it’s because, like most experts, she specializes in a specific area of knowledge.

The pros and cons of specialization 

In the midlife space, there are many specialized experts, whether it be for hormones, exercise, nutrition, psychology, gynecology, and then there are functional medicine doctors and naturopaths. Each expert taking a piece of the health pie and focusing intently on it.

This has pros and cons. It’s beneficial to go to a specialist when you know you need that specialty, like once you decide to take hormone therapy, you find an experienced hormone doctor. 

But the cons are that everything in the human body is connected, and specialists may overlook underlying causes that do not fit neatly into their specialty.

Let’s use an example of a friend of mine who’s sleep had become fragmented, and she started grinding her teeth during sleep. 

Her first thought is to go to a dentist, and this dentist is likely to give her a mouthpiece for the grinding. But if this dentist had more well-rounded knowledge in sleep dentistry, which some dentists do, he’d want to check if this was an early sign of sleep disordered breathing.

That’s because 20-40% of people with obstructive sleep apnea also grind their teeth. Grinding or bruxism, as it’s called, is one way the body attempts to awaken people because of dropping oxygen levels during sleep.

The risk for sleep disordered breathing risk increases at midlife for women, which is another piece that the dentist probably doesn’t know.

I told my friend about this, and the link surprised her. But now she has a bit more information to work with as she looks to find a solution.

These gaps in knowledge hurt women every single day. So, what are we to do?

Advocating for yourself starts with education 

When breastfeeding proved to be all but impossible, and I told the doctors I wanted to try pumping full-time, I was told my milk supply wouldn’t last.

“Pumping alone cannot maintain a milk supply, just bottle feed.”

Luckily, I found a book from a mom who successfully pumped for her daughter for over a year and she detailed how she did it. I went on forums and educated myself of other moms who did the same.

I was successful and made more than enough milk for my daughter until 4 months when she breastfed for real. 

Now someone else may have decided they didn’t want to pump and would rather bottle-feed. That’s totally okay. But it’s better to make that decision from an informed position, even when there isn't a lot of data.

Just because no one has done something before doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

The good news is, today, there’s even more access to information and research than ever before. But it can be time consuming and not all the information is of the same quality.

Of course, there is AI now to help. But I’m not ready to hand my research over to ChatGPT because the path to optimal health starts with us.

My biggest regret

Not all the stories have happy endings. My brother lost his life because of an oversight in the medical system.

He was on medication for mental health issues and was also drinking alcohol. No one asked him about this–or warned him about it — and in the end, his liver gave out.

I had two very young children and felt like I was barely surviving. I wish I would have done the research to ensure his best care.

We cared about his health more than any of the medical experts. I tried to make up for it the month he was in the hospital before he died. But by that point, the damage was done.

Why I created Midlife Strong

The idea for this post came as I was going through an exercise to figure out the core belief that brings my work together.

I kept coming back to something I know at a very core level: we should not put our health into the hands of experts. It’s up to us to get complete information to make the right decisions.

It has become instinctual for me to do this and empower midlife women with what I learn. Nothing replaces having the full picture knowledge, as author Robert Greene in his book Mastery puts it:

You are like a hunter: your knowledge of every detail of the forest and of the ecosystem as a whole will give you many more options for survival and success.

This is the essence of what it means to be Midlife Strong: knowledgeable, confident, and making informed decisions that work for you.

There’s a new trend where health professionals debunk those making questionable claims, and that has its place. But that’s not what I’m doing here. You guys (my readers) are a smart bunch, capable of spotting misinformation and deciphering what works for you.

I don’t tell women what to do or try to scare them. I’m simply sharing what I learn.

But I’m only half of the story

I recently heard from a reader about my Biomarker Guide and how she found it helpful. It really helps me to understand how you experience my content.

I’d also love to know what’s important for midlife health. So, I put together this google form for you to share your stories, challenges, and thoughts.

Simply put, I want to get to know you.

I want to see where you are on the journey, and what it is you need. Because in the end, no expert, guru, or social media influencer cares about your health more than you.

Agree? Let’s talk about it in the comments.